A few sodden bloogs ago, I came across a bloog entitled Searching For Vampire Girl. At the time I referenced it, at the tail end of one of my little insect-burning, snake-roasting rampages through the miasmal mists of The Blogging Community. And while I liked it, I wasn't totally convinced at the time, but it was bright enough light for me to feel like I had found something worth reading. So that was that.

Well....the young pilgrim responsible for Searching For Vampire Girl responded to my commentary. He wondered if perhaps I was merely damning him with faint praise or praising him with paltry and insipic damnation. I assured him that my commentary was faint praise without any hint of damnation whatsoever. So if figured that that little bit of email shadow-boxing would be the end of it. Fair thee well and godspeed and all that dross.

Onward.

But as is my custom, I check back on ALL the bloogs I reference. And yes, Hell is STILL under New Management, Raghu Vudathu is still boring the entire blogging community, and the Goober Queen is living the La Vida Mocha at the moment. So all is fairly semi-normal on THOSE tedious and terrible fronts. So it should surprise no one that I would check up on Sander and see if he's found Vampire Girl yet.

Well....I found his most recent blogs to be much funnier and clever than the original one I read a few weeks back. *shrug* Maybe it's like Jim Rome. You just have get used to it. That bit on his birthday party was hilarious and yelling PENIS at the top one's lungs is perfectly acceptable, understandable, utterly juvenile, and good harmless fun. Of course....he might have been better advised to yell PORK at the top of his lungs instead. But...youth will be served. Better luck next time. Be careful when you bend over.

But the best part is I read down further and....find a little bit about ME!! *hop! hop!!* And as we all know, or should, blooging is all about ME. It's nice to be referenced in reference to Pikachu, or for that matter, any anime character. It's also refreshing that MY dull and tedious shite is recognized for what it is. As for that little Bill Dillan skit of his, well....I don't know about that Dillan, but I DID date Bob Dylan's second cousin.....a story for another day.....just don't insert your dick at faster than 25 miles a hour. "If you see her say hello....." Etc etc.....

Onward.

So props to Sander. And Happy Focking Birthday. Just come on over, Officer. Just come on over.

Oh, I almost forgot to work in a 1995 reference, so here is it. Plus, it's apropos, and still fashionable after all these years. Yikes! It's Vampire Boy!

And as tempting as it is to crush some little insect as a parting shot. I won't. I simply wont crush a little insect tonight. After all, I am a caring, sensitive person who inspires others. And tonight, I will attempt to live up to that facile notion.

Mood: Sullen and *hop!! hop!!*
Beer: GRUMPY TROLL Stephen's Spiced Winter Ale
Music: "It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry" by Bob Dylan

posted by Michael Smith at 11:19 PM

It was nearly ten years ago, but I all still seems like it happened a second or two ago, at most. And if you expect me to make clear precisely what I am talking about, then y'all best be prepared for crushing disappointment. I've never allowed the facts to get in the way of the truth and I'm not going to start allowing it now. Whatever is revealed will be revealed in dribs and drabs, which would have made a good title for a letter to Francesca Reyes, no doubt.....and I'm honestly surprised neither of us thought of that one. Instead, what will be revealed, if anything, will be more like a series of little bento box meals perhaps.....or, the remnants of little votive/voodoo candles long after the flames have been extinguished. Instead of my usual insect-burning rampage, it's a peek into the world of 10 years ago.

I have an enormous achive of material from 1995. The largest files are letters to and from Anne Gibson. The file contains both e.mail and snail mail letters, plus transcripts of our AOL chat sessions. So without any further burdensome facts, here's a little sampling from my letter to Anne on Oct 11, 1995, then from her's from the next day.

My letter:

>>"It's a big, fearsome mecha bird!.... But it's so tiny!"<<

I'm stunned with laughter at this!! And I'm speechless as well.... 8-)

Actually I can't stop laughing. And I'm laughing so hard that I'm wearing my Chicago Blackhawks cap inside out, upside down, and backwards.

>>Anyway, sorry about this.....send you my response attached to this.....I hope you don't mind. Well, here it is!<<



Actually, Anne, I'm glad you attached your file the way you did!! My software converted it and I thimk it converted your letter just fine! I note, for example, that you changed typefaces 3 times.

I hope that MY stuff computes through as nicely as yours!! ((Plus, my apologies for the Sailor Moon stationary----but I promise to make it up to you by making you a tape of some really cool music----you do like music, don't you?? 8-P)


Anne's response:

>>>>"It's a big, fearsome mecha bird!.... But it's so tiny!"<<<<


>>I'm stunned with laughter at this!! And I'm speechless as well.... 8-)

Actually I can't stop laughing. And I'm laughing so hard that I'm wearing my Chicago Blackhawks cap inside out, uposide down, and backwards.<<


Man, then you HAVE to see Dragon Half. If you thought it was that funny with just me saying it, then you'll love Dragon Half as much as me and my brother..... And Darius, and Washu-chan and, and, and...:)

>>Actually, Anne, I'm glad you attached your file the way you did!! My software converted it and I thimk it converted your letter just fine! I note, for example, that you changed typefaces 3 times.<<


What?! I never switched type faces even ONCE!! That's wierd...

>>I hope that MY stuff computes through as nicely as yours!!<<


Your stuff comes through good, but....what does chisai i ji mean? : )

>>((Plus, my apologies for the Sailor Moon stationary----but I promise to make it up to you by making you a tape of some really cool music----you do like music, don't you?? 8-P)<<


Do not even THINK about apologizing. I don't like Sailor Moon, no, but it really made my day to get that letter written on that stationary. It's WAY more exciting (as I said in the letter in the package) to get stuff on Sailor Moon stationary than regular paper. Let me explain what happened to me: I had a really good day, happy and all that, plus it was sunny and nice and I had just finished listening to Neketsu!! Yusha Ramunesu as I walked in the door which ALWAYS gets my blood burning (Ore wa ima moretsuni neketsu shiteirue!!) and I thought, "wouldn't it be cool if I got those Reiaasu subbed tapes from AA today... Yeah right!" So I come in and see the pink envelope, and I'm like, "Man, this gonna be good." So I see it's from you and it's Sailor Moon and I'm fully amused and happy, and then the Ferio card falls out. I was so psyched that I was jumping around in little circles and called my brother just to tell him. You REALLY made my day. : )


So that's a little bit of what it was all about. I'm still not going to trouble you with the facts when the truth will do. But back then, everyday suddenly seemed like it was a million dollar day, and a nickel's worth of time went a lot further and was worth ever so much more. Proof once more that one does naught need battle's magnificently stern array to get a sense of history.

I will note, for those of you who are sports-minded, that Anne Gibson ((Pomona College, Class of 2003)) went on to become the team captain of the Claremont Foxes rugby team which kicked ass.....or maybe not. But anyway....this pleases me more than you can possibly imagine. Scrumfly, huh?? 8-P Whatta chumplin I am. <8-] And with that, I will carry on with my drunken business. And so will you.

Mood: Sullen & Historical
Beer: BERGHOFF Original Lager
Music: "Yazurenai Negai" by Naomi Tamura

posted by Michael Smith at 2:05 PM

I should hold a contest for The Saddest Blogs In The World. I could give out a prize, just as they did in Guy Maddin's movie.....and at each step of the way, the winner would get to slide down into a vat of beer.

But I wont.

Instead, I will proclaim that THIS is perhaps the saddest and sorriest blog in the world, and then proceed to slide down into the vat of beer myself. All Things Dunkin' Donuts, for the Dunkin' Donuts Enthusiasts of the World. It can't get any more sadder than that, can it??

Oh yes it can.

I've always wanted to follow that endless parade of linked blogs. And after all, this about ME, and don't forget...the only time I ever played Dungeons & Dragons, I played a berserker character who went through every door and killed everything and I won. So here we go. I roll a 14 sided dice and a 19 sided dice and land on {Once A Frat Chick, Always A Frat Chick} . And because I have spells in my belt buckle, I get to then teleport to Davez Ravez. Dave, btw, thanks us for cheking in to his Midnight Musings. Unfortunately, the air faeries have whisked me away to some shite about Conferencing. It's one of those fake shite blogs like that shitass Insurance Blooger. The shitass responsible for THIS one is Bloggerman 123....and he's also got similar shitass bloogs on Jukeboxes, Dance & Hair Loss. I wish that Dave and the Frat Chick would go PUKE on this shitass. But enough about me.

The scary part of this is finding something that is actually worth finding, I think. Color Your Own Becca, however, is too reminiscent of something. Sleep of the Just, no doubt. Actually, the scariest part of this is finding something that is actually not worth finding. Sorry, but I am the funniest Republican in the world. Funny and hah hah....and ha ha ha....and ha ha ha I found this little 50cent hiphop bloog and I posted there, "This is some righteous blooging, dude." But it left me in this emotional cul-de-sac as there is no link on this bloog to the NEXT bloog.

But I've got a 23 sided and a 17 sided dice to shake, plus spells in my belt buckle. But nothing can keep me safe from Clouds of Thoughts. Ersatz ideology, paltry insipic college boy poetry slowly fades out and the pinkness of a tall cute girl from British Columbia fades in. Imagine that!! It must be magic!! But the magic soon fades into another cul-de-sac of questionable xhtml code. Some chinese lad who dubs himself Prince William Su Wei Liang dubs his page ((x*sMiLe_aLwaYx*x)) and for some unknown reason has unknown plugins that I have to download or install to view his lack of content. It's looking for Apple Quicktime 6.5.1 Curious, since I already have Apple Quicktime 6.5.2.installed. So now it's time to do some yodeling.




Someone has got to put a stop to blogs like Lucky Blue Frog. Any bloog that proclaims, "Let Lucky Blue Frog lead you to the Portals of Life. You choose the path you want to walk - may your Path lead you to the ultimate outcome you want for your life," should be wiped from the face of the earth along with the shitass who produced it. But the yodeling proved a fruitful venture, since its reverberation shook this righteous Anti-Bush blog into the light. Unfortunately, it also shook loose a 1 Ton Golden Flying Playing Card. I wish people would stop making bloogs that are virtually unreadable. At the very least they should use paragraphs, like Prem from Kishanganj, Bihar, India does. His Turing Machine, made of neurons, accepts all languages and and all grammars, so he's much nicer and more forgiving than me, of course.

But I know I have to stop when I find bloogs like I've Painted My Love for You.....and well...you'll know what I mean when I mention That Dreadful Bear. Also.....aLl ThE vErBiAgE iS lIkE tHiS!!! I have to stop before I get to bloogs like Sunshine Daydreamer. I have to stop before I start walking in Sunshine and reminiscing about the days of Intergalactic Starbarn which was nominated for a Hogu award in 1982 for Worst Fanzine Title. Yes, I was nominated, but Dick Smith's Uncle Dick's Little Thing went home with the award. I'll try to flag this train to a stop.

There. Another little experiment has gone horribly astray. A couple of days ago, while I was driving to Watertown, Wisconsin on business, I came up with a noble little purpose for this. One that was very clever and well thought out. It would have made a great blog intro/outro. But judging from the results of this it's just as well that this purpose was forgotten. It would have done both nobility and purpose a grave injustice to have dragged them through this shite the way that I have just dragged you.

Mood: Sullen & GOP
Beer: TYRANENA Bitter Woman
Music: "Ballad Of The Sad Young Men" by Kurt Elling

posted by Michael Smith at 11:57 PM

It was not inevitable, of course, that I would finally keep the promise I made many years ago on my homepage....the promise I made to explain its name: Blog Me, Jake!! But the time seems right to do so now. I've been meaning to do so for a long time, and yesterday while looking through a file drawer for a clip-art book *insert SHOCK smiley here* I came upon a copy of The Johnny Callison Show #1, a zine I was cajoled into doing for WindyApa by Valli Hoski back in 1981 at Minicon 17. Thus began several years of contributions to WindyApa.

(By the way, if you expect me to explain any of the fannish terminology used in this story, you'd best be prepared to be disappointed. )

Onward. Minicon 17 was held at the Radisson Hotel in downtown Minneapolis. The Pro GOH was the great Jack Vance; Fan GOH was Jerry Boyajian; Music GOH was Reed Waller; Artist GOH was Kathy Marschall. I invited my non-fannish friends from Appleton come up to Mpls for the con.....we comped them memberships in exchange for POINT Beer, and they all crashed in my room at the Radisson....or wherever they happened to find themselves when sleep found them ((underneath a BLACK KNIGHT pinball machine, for example))....

After being made clones of Charles E. Hamilton III, Saturday night, April 18, 1981, found us up in the Con Suite, enjoying a few refreshments. Valli Hoski was trying to get me to contribute to WindyApa. Finally, I relented. "Get me a dittomaster. I'll do it right here from the Con suite." Below, you will find the original zine. And once you have read it, you will know why my homepage is called Blog Me, Jake.




No you wont. But....that's okay. I've done my duty. But I'd be remiss if I didn't give a nod and wink to my friends from Appleton WI who were dragged from their mundane world into the world of Fandom. So here they are as they come out for a bow:

Johnny Lappen as Charles E. Hamilton the 119th
Mark Stadstad "Jake" Jacobi as Slaked Jake
Stanley Nels Erickson as Ron Shirt
Greg Grummer as Mr. Ook
Janet Heimmerman as Janet Planet

And me, I'm the Infamous Michael Parker Smith, of course, as Charles E. Hamilton the 109th.
Valli Hoski and Don Helley played themselves. And the rest is a part of a great Fannish history.

In case you're wondering, and I know you are.....the Closing Ceremonies for Minicon 17 were broadcast live by Shockwave Radio Theatre on KFAI radio. You can get a CD of this historical performance, The Fall Of The House of Usherette from of the masterminds of the performance, DavE Romm, a fine fellow indeed and a master of micro-programming.

In closing, let me remind everyone that this bloog supports Mpls in 73.

I'll shut up now.

Mood: Sullen & Fannish
Beer: BERGHOFF Original Lager
Music: "Pieces of The First Pteradactyl Life" by Nate Bucklin
posted by Michael Smith at 5:21 PM

Well tomorrow being the 55th Inauguartion and all that dross, my buddy, Squirrel, is planning on flying his flag at half-mast. He is also going to watch all the televised versions of this over-blown nonsense, and I told him, "Squirrel, my man, your time would be better spent wacking off to pictures of Condaleeza Rice in a thong bikini."

"I know....," he said, "but I have to endure....."

"Look," I said, "if you have to endure, then endure 10 minutes of Condaleeza Rice in a thong bikini, and we'll go out and grab a beer."

And so on and so on.

Anyway, there are many other things as well that remind me that poets die in steaming vats of shit. All this jazz about the internet being about building bridges, for example. Or sometimes, it's incoherent melodies. Rivers river, but brooks bubble, merely. Ditto, anyone who feels compelled to announce: I'm Here. I'm Queer. Get Used To It.

There is naught enough hours in the day to uncover it all....nor years in a lifetime to bury it all and simply forget. Newt Gingrich, or the first four notes of an Air Supply song that you inadvertently hear before you can plug your ears.

So I don't know what Squirrel expects to accomplish, but he could do no worse than THIS I suppose. Or no worse than the usual childish and mean-spirited insect-burning that I usually do.

As much as I hate to be nice, I have to point a finger at Uniquelessness and blame it, and Mr. Peter Meddick, for throwing me off the track. I like his blog and his ideas....and unlike most, it's very readable. Being an actual writer and not some type-by-letters guy/gal, or some dopey blooger, makes a difference *insert shock smiley here* What I like most are his takes on advertising and marketing....my line of work. He almost saved the day....

...If not for Lonely House. Now for those of you who like to see how MY mind works, I might recommend this. But anyway, I was honestly going to leave this one alone, but.....BUT.....well....I think you know what provoked me to leave this one for last. Not the paltry insipic poetry. Not the blooging about nothing as opposed to my blooging about less than nothing. No, what got me was on top of all that, this page has A BLOGGER'S PET!! Good thing the internet is bulletproof.
Also, good thing they only have a cat....if they had a dog, you know damn well I'd have to put one on my bloog for the sheer perversity of it....and then piss and moan about it for days on end.

But....as luck would have it..... *insert smiley here*

Anyway....tomorrow is another day. Hell is still under new management, but unfortunately, the White House is not.

Mood: Sullen & Half-Hearted
Beer: Gray's I.P.A
Music: "God Save The Queen" by The Sex Pistols

posted by Michael Smith at 11:23 PM

Well, whaddaya know...right out of the gate I've got grist for the mill. Leave it to good ol' ~Curious to show up strong with Pictures of My Nude Wife or Maybe Yours. A brand new bloog, too. But...no pictures yet, as I ready this text for the hectograph. Maybe I should send him a few of those pictures I have of me and Sailor Moon in Dinosaurland. *looks around innocently* On with the show!

...

But then I'm suddenly left feeling like The Discarded Magical Blue Grundo Plushie of Prosperity. I find a couple more bloogs, and they seem like promising kills, but I don't have the knife to do it for some reason. Even though the freak looks like a 4th place finisher in a Tommy Stinson look-a-like contest. And whatever this trip this aussie chick has with her Master beyond the rainbow, well...I don't want to know and neither do you.

The aforementioned Tommy Stinson is more worthy of your attention and regard. I'm listening to a cut from his newest LP and it's nice stuff.....a different style from Westerberg's stuff. He has a blog, even, and when I'm done with listening, I'll check it out and see what shite he's got going on there. And..... here's the shite he's got going there. It starts with: "Although Tommy doesn't maintain the everyday upkeep of this profile, he does have direct supervision over it just like his website and will eventually see your messages when he has time to catch up. So, please feel free to leave a comment." So there you have it. Some nice tunes but not a real blog, like THIS one. *insert smiley here* But....Tommy DOES have 118 friends. I wish I had 118 friends. I wonder how many friends Paul Westerberg has!!??

And as sure as some demon lies in wait for Inuyasha & Co., blogs like Mod World of Indie Cindy lie in wait for me. Or is it the other way around. Anyway....I guess back in the days of such luminary rags as WET: The Magazine of Gourmet Bathing, if there had been an Internet, me and some of my gang would have had blogs like this I suppose. But nowadays.....at least it reminds me of things I need to be reminded of: Me. Philosophy. Thoughts. Dogma. Subculture. Visual. Ideology. Neurosis. Reality. Existence. Art. Politics. Music. Theories. Boredom. Peter Pan Syndrome. Whatever.

In other words, it's all about ME!! Which reminds me.....I've always wondered Which Inuyasha Hero I Am! So....I thought I'd find out! Well...the verdict is in. Here is ME:


What Inuyasha Hero Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

And hopefully this will look all proper. But even if it doesn't, knowing which Inuyasha Hero I am makes me feel as happy as a little girl!! *insert smiley here* It's nice to know that I am truly a kind loving sensitive person who inspires others.

Meanwhile, I wonder if these goofs in the band Holden Caulfield (I'm assuming Holden Caulfield is the name of the band) know that J.D. Salinger's first name is Jerome. I also wonder how many other blogs are titled My So Called Strife?? Too many, no doubt. And there are probably just as many bloogs entitled Sarcastic Ramblings....and all of them tell of life from a different view---a little tainted, slightly jaded, and slightly bitter. But hey! They're funny none the less!! As for Jimmy Hui's Message, well.....Evil Schmitty doesn't know what to say....Evil Schmitty is not sure about this one.....Evil Schmitty wants to poke this one with a stick....but Evil Schmitty just isn't sure if that would be the right thing to do, especially since Evil Schmitty is a kind loving sensitive person who inspires others. Instead, Evil Schmitty will use that stick to beat :: Memories :: and the dreadful, scroolling poem contained therein, into the cold cold ground.

There, now I've gone and bored the whole blogging community, just like Raghu Vudathu has done. Mission accomplished.

Mood: Sullen & Boring
Wine: CONCHA Y TORO Frontera Shiraz 2004
Music: "Not A Moment Too Soon" by Tommy Stinson

posted by Michael Smith at 11:52 PM

Despite what I say sometimes, I hate music. I honestly do for the most part. It tends to get in the way of thinking. It's a crutch that one's sadness hobbles into forever on. See what I mean? It's evaporates thinking and diminishes every concept it washes away. I believe it was Chris Mars of The Replacements who penned the lyrics: "I hate music, it's got too many notes." If it was Paul Westerberg who wrote that, well....sorry man....I'll just have another glass of shiraz. But dude, man, are you fucking shitting me?? AOfockingLdotcom????!!!!! *BIG BOGGLE* nnn

See what I mean? Music gets me all off course. I should shut myself in a world of silence and just pretend that I'm listening to music. I was, earlier this afternoon as I just missed a two railer 8 ball in the corner pocket shot by mere centemeters at my favourite pub, THE FIREHOUSE, sort of planning to write some shite about Mozilla Firefox and XHTML and CSS, but as you can see, music has got me careening ofcourse. I should just turn the shit off and move on to more lucid topics like my idea for winning the drunk vote in the upcoming village election......I will provide rides for people who are too drunk to drive to the polls to vote. Lucid and topical stuff like that.

Instead, I've had to write all THIS tedious shite just to get to the rest of the tedious shite to follow. It really shouldn't be that hard. Emily wonders why I dont listen to music much. This is why for the most part.

So fock all. Just give me a few bloogs to kill. Not this one, though.....Brian's Messy Life needs no help from me, nor will it get any. As for THIS one, from Matthew Casteel, well....my man, DONT make reach for my BIBLE and start quoting II Corinthians 3.6. Don't make. Don't make me. Maybe it's just well that I'm listening to music.....I'm spared listening to his first audio blog. Perhaps some other day when silence reigns. Perhaps not.

Most likely not.

But just when I thought that hope had waxed....., I come across Frog Collectibles, a fun and fanciful look at Kenneth's frog collection. Effortless. I immediately view his complete profile, hoping for somthing I can sink my vicious teeth into, only to find that Kenneth, age 43, also has a blog featuring his Grandma Gert's Recipes. *sigh*

Onward.

Maybe I need the music after all. As soon as I pop that sucker back on I find yondaime, and all the ponderous viciousness comes back. I don't know what the fuck this dude is talking about for the most part...a lot of it seems written in javascript....and there's not all that much of it....and as for that poem(?) about Man U and Exeter playing to a 0-0 draw....well...you gotta learn to bend that slant rhyme like Beckham, dude...or like Bukowski. Or like me.....*sigh*

And HERE's why no one should ever do New Years resolutions. No tinkleflower, uumh...its january o8,2005??? now over by here one time there once and i think it would be the right time for ME to have a blog!!!
hehehe!!! HEEEhhheehHEEEEEEE!!! *insert focking smiley here*

Okay....okay....like y'all...I wonder what Micheli will change my boyfriend says i'm the best to when the relationship becomes crushed like a little insect. But then again, who am I to say no?? I'm ME, that's who. And after all, this blooging is really all about ME!! hehehe!!! HEEEhhheehHEEEEEEE!!! *insert focking smiley here*

What I should do is spend the rest of the night drinking Goebels beer, eating garlic peanuts listening to Piblokto; Incredible String Band; Michael Hurley; and Hank Ballard and the Midnighters; while looking at blogs like jenrjsnr. ....::::: I'm Just A Girl :::::: ........ eZa-DoLL Loves LeviS `Guy ...... ~~~~~~If Its ToO Loud~~~ [[[ Den You're Too oLD]]] I am mostly glad to be her passionate reader! I invite her gladly to become MY passionate reader and if she sends me an e.mail or (preferably) a neomail, I will thank her profusely. I might even go kinkie and get a blinkie if only I had a linkie. Maybe I'll chase that Strohs down with a little Rock & Rye. Maybe I'll find even edgier chick bloogs like The Decree and 40 hours later I will be wandering the streets of Mt. Horeb with a cup of coofee and a buttermilk donut wondering who won the focking ballgame.

Maybe that will happen. But not to me.

Mood: Sullen & HaHaHaHateful
Wine: DARLING CELLARS Black Granite Shiraz 2002
Music: "White & Lazy" The Replacements


posted by Michael Smith at 11:31 PM

It's not any big great secret. My favourite online game by far is Neopets. I've been playing for nearly two years now. I have a main account, and two gallery accounts. 12 virtual pets in all. My main account is BuckshotJones00. My gallery accounts are FatNakago and Scanalyzer. Why I even mention this is that during last night's posts while I was wrestling with style and substance and the lack thereof, I came across a young girl's Neopets blog and I forgot to save the link to it. I remember commenting to her that if she wanted her blog to be of help to fellow Neopians, should have at least left her username somewhere so people could neomail her. But then again, it's probably just as well since I already have far too many teenage girl neofriends as it is. Onward.

As I said, I was wrestling with the lack of substance and style and in the interim I've added titles to old posts to create the illusion of substance and style to them. Yes, I've decided I like titles....or, rather, I've made my peace with them for now. But what I was curious about was if there were more Neopets related bloogs out there.

Blooger doesnt have a search engine for searching Blooger for bloogs. If they have, it has escaped my feeble clutches. But Google will suffice I suppose.

Now mind you, on Neopets, Blogs take a on a little bit different meaning than they do in the so-called normal world. On Neopets, there are ShopBlogs, which are placed in your shop to jazz things up a bit. They dont work like "real" blogs, but they could. Quitely honestly, I dont understand their appeal, but I have one in MY shop, and I've made an entire website of Neopets Shop Blogs called Fat Nakago's Hillbilly ShopBlog Page.

These are not really meant for blogging, they are more for putting a description of your shop into something more fancy......very much like the aformentioned trousers on a dog. But enough of this shite. Let's see what the world's biggest search engine has to offer up.

The first offering is not a blog, but rather it's like my page, only more straightforward and useful. They offer a BlogFusion Weblog Coder that is Neopets compatable. It's a do-it-yourself program for someone one who wants a custom blog for Neopets like the ones I've designed. The program could actually be used anywhere, but they recognize that quite a lot of their users will be Neopians sort of like myself, but not quite. These folks have a little Yellow Chia on their page. And what says Neopets more than THAT, ne?

As for actual blogs, the rest of the lot seems to be a rather sad and lean. I checked out Neopets Blog and found one paltry little entry from someone who says his account is spud1323. But....I checked and there is no longer a spud1323 account on Neopets. Also, there is no Maraquan Battle Guild. And the other possible username, retro2, is well...a girl from Canada who's been playing for a month, and is a member of the Groovy Chicks Guild, which I am going to join if my wife every throws me out of Ixilicious. So....there's a bit about that.

I thought, at first, that Caeli Dictum was what I was looking for. Especially with the goth angel skin I thought it would be right up my alley. But, sadly, after checking the userlookup, I find she hasn't been playing neopets for almost a year. SHAME on you, Debi Hodges!! Your poor Faerie Kau Kowrisa is STARVING and DYING!!

Meanwhile, Scritchy-Scratchy has some nice Neopets art on it. VERY nice drawings of Illusen and the Grey Faerie. It's not quite the blog I'm looking for, but I'd say check this one out. Nice anime/fantasy art as well.

Not a thrilling attempt here, I'm afraid. I'm finding a few bloogs that have petered out after 1 post. I had high hopes for The Baby Neopets Plaza Blog, but as you can see....this eager little snapper had not much more to say than what she said. I suppose I could spend the rest of the night on sites like this, but the Trollway Liquor Store is closed. I need to save my beer for something else which I will get to shortly. But meanwhile, this little snapper and one her pals also set up a Baby Neopets Plaza Webbie for their Baby Neopets guild. As you might expect, there no longer is a such a guild on Neopets. But there is a Hiptapjazz on Neopets. Again, she's abandoned her STARVING and DYING neopet, a little red Kacheek, 317 days ago. Her little friend, halie_potter~ no longer has an account on Neopets.

But as for the BEER, well....THIS array of stuff totally has me flummoxed. I know it's in Polish, but Kacheek, Chia, Lupe, Chomby, Korbat, Aisha, Moehog, and so on are the same in all languages on Neopets. What the hell is THIS all about? It says it's a neopets blog, but....I'm not seeing a thing there or on the links that even hints at anything Neopian. I'm going to need a lot more beer to figure THIS one out. Maybe I should send them a neomail.

So enough already. I've decided I like the titles, for now. They are SUCH the coolest toy! I am the best owner ever!!

Mood: Best Owner Ever
Beer: BERGHOFF Original Lager
Music: "Down Along The Cove" by Bob Dylan


posted by Michael Smith at 11:32 PM

"Science, Michael," my buddy Squirrel would say....and at the time he would say that, I knew that it was nearly hopeless. "It's all about SCIENCE. She blinded me, with SCIENCE!" He would say this to me, eloquent hands gesturing as though directing some unseen symphony orchestra. And as I said, it was nearly hopeless, there was no getting him off the Thomas Dolby kick.
"Ones of these days, Squirrel," I would say, "we'd got to get you grooving on a different musical plane, man....grooving on an inner plane...."
"Science!!"
"No...man...it's Alchemy....Human Alchemy...."

It will happen again tomorrow, and tomorrow, and the day after that. All fairly semi-normal. Anyway, I use that little skit to metaphorically explore whether or not my concept of titles works, and whether or not I like them.

I'm not sure if I do. I wont know until after THIS tedious shite is posted.

Meanwhile, what is THIS freaking nonsense about?? Insurance Blogger. Blogging about insurance topics. The guy might as well join the world of Amway. What a fucking waste of a GREAT Bloog Title with enormous potential for wit and sarcasm that could change the face of the forever!! But no.....it a bunch of freaking useless non-informative nonsense. What ever you do, DONT buy your insurance from that tedious little shit. Or from anyone who would use a bloog in such an uncreative way.
I've been seeing quite a number of similarly constructed sites. Here's one that is absolutely beyond redemption: Drug Addiction & Alcohol Rehab. This dope, pun not intended, doesnt even spell cocaine correctly. Also....his name is Craiger....and he has a whole steaming vat of shit filled with similar sites. about private jet charters and aluminum die casting. Like the Insurance Blooger, there is absolutely no information other than links to search results....the orgins of which cast grave doubt on the validity, not to mention the sanity, of individual responsible for this nonsense.
All of these sites are jackassery far worse than any other bit of jackassery I can pick at random, say THIS one, for example. Better to be elegantly wasted, I'm quite sure.

Maybe there should be more sites like Searching For Vampire Girl. Then again, maybe not.
So that's a little bit about my titles. Or whatever you want to call them. I have no more sadness to report. Maybe I was only kidding myself about the alchemy.....maybe it's all about science after all.

Mood: Sullen & Scientific
Beer: BERGHOFF Original Lager
Music: "Queen Of Eyes" by The Soft Boys

posted by Michael Smith at 10:42 PM

It should be noted right now that I did NOT make any resolutions to be nicer in the new year. The only change I am contemplating is the addition of a TITLE to each post in the no doubt misguided idea that it will make this seem any more organized. I am convinced that it makes as much sense for me to do that as it would for me to put a pair of trousers on a dog.

What strikes me as a bit odd and disturbing is that there are a lot of pre-formatted blog templates being used by utterly disimilar blogs. I noted that alarming trend late last year, and I see it continuing this year as well. For example, Kyle's Blog & Nothing is here share the same template and style. Very likely they are also the EXACT SAME blog only in two different languages. But Kyle, my man, if you want to be a rocker, you should get a different layout....something that Lemmy from Motorhead wouldn't want to PUKE on.

Then again, there are still those who start brave litle blogs, only come crashing apart on the shoals of actuality. Here is one example: you think you know, but you have no idea. Beth, Beth, Beth.....you need naught fill a page with test test test test written over and over just to see if your blog will work. All you need to write is: "I wonder if there is some fascist pretense underlying the coding of this.....I wonder if THIS little bust of verbiage will make it to THE WIRED!!!???" That's it. Simple, ne? Rich from light blue leisure suit posted just one "test" after a 3 year hiatus, no doubt making films about making films, so should you. Welllll...that just reminded me to check and see if HELL is still under new management. And by golly, it still is!!

Meanwhile, I wonder how many years THIS is going be up there on the Wired, just as it is. Is it Just Me, or is it someone else....no....not to worry, it's just me....just little ol' me.

Then again, there are still some blogs that no pair of trousers can salvage and that tempt me to speak, for a variety of reasons, but are, for a variety of reasons, better left to simply speak for themselves. This is one recent example: I am the Goober Queen.

But, this little bit of tedious shite has a happy ending. I found a VERY good punk music blog: PUNKCANADA.NET. And I can also report that there is hope for our youth, at least for teenage girls anyway....this girl is not Just Another Girl. I wonder if she agrees with me that skulls are as cute as Hello Kitty. I shall believe, until proven otherwise, that she does.

And NOW to see if the TITLE works.

Mood: Sullen & Dread
Beer: BERGHOFF Orginal Lager
Music: "We All Laughed at Your On-Line Diary" by The Buzzing Bees

posted by Michael Smith at 5:16 PM