As I speak and type, the Australian Gran Prix is on. It's the start of the F-1 season....it's the rest of the world's Daytona 500. Those fancy Euro boys who wouldn't last 5 minutes, let alone 5 laps in a Craftsman Truck, are dashing for glory once more. Oddly, Michael Schumacher started at the back of the pack....evidently he didn't even try a 2nd qualifying run. Kimi Raikkonen dropped a gear at the start and they had to do another parade lap before the actual start and then they were off. And since it is going on, right now, as I typer this, you can see how much I care about Formula One vs. NASCAR. Not as much, evidently. But I'm here to tell you, so far in the Australian Gran Prix, my Fantasy F-1 Team is a taking a solid thrashing.

But enough of that for now. Let's get on with MY kind of solid thrashing. We'll start with a vaguely NASCAR related bloog: Mike Cope's blog, which has naught to do with NASCAR at all....or anything else worthy of mention, but he shares the same last name as my perennial Lost Soul of NASCAR whipping boy, Derrike Cope. So there you have it, whether you like it or not. But wait, there's MORE! Lake Allison shares the same FIRST name as another Lost Soul of NASCAR, Lake Speed, with a bloog as equally unremakable as Mr. Speed's career.

Meanwhile, let's ponder what kind of DOPEY SHITASSES bother to present us with a bloog called Neat Stuff and then have the temerity to actually CALL it Neat Stuff. WHY are these DOPEY SHITASSES, JohnandDiane, even allowed to HAVE a Blog? Someone needs to go their house and give them a solid thrashing....and ask them what Flip Skateboards has to do with All Things For Home.

Okay, 6 laps to go....Fisichella is still in 1st.....Raikonnen has moved to the top 10, but no sign of Schumacher or Button. My F-1 team is DOOMED, but not as doomed as Another One Bites The Dust. Nor is it as doomed as Sweet moments.... or the seeming quixotic political rambling of Red What and Blue. I suppose The GUrl Bloggy...[Cathy] is also doomed....but it might show up as the next "Kathy" Zone on my first webpage ever, The Test Department. So it could meet a doom of a very different sort.

Speaking of doom, let see what my ol' pal Sander is up to....is he still Searching For Vampire Girl? Why...yes he is!! Imagine that!! It's the same ol' high speed road to doom that Michael Schumacher just drove down, albeit with more style, grace, diginity, and culture. But then again, Schumacher does it without footnotes. Maybe Schumacher should throw off a footnote or two to Sato or Coulthard or Fisichella at the Malaysian Gran Prix in 2 weeks. That will get him back in the swig, ne? See? WE are ALL on the road at high speed, heading towards oblivion, while Sander engages in coitus with the police.

Then again, I can't always be all full of hatred and doom, as much as it pleases me to see Michael Schumacher finish 15 laps down right out the gate; as much as I delight in seeing Jeff Gordon cack an engine and finish 30th as he did in California last Sunday. There's Hmmph and whine and cheese, which would normally provoke endless days of rage, but instead provoke stillness, despite the names, despite the photos, despite themselves.

But some hand of horror always drags me back into the fray. Bloogs that celebrate little 6 pound 4 ounce canned hams like Life of Noah... bloogs like Blair Necessities and all of their sad and tedious tales of medical peril, and puerile cuteness, and the redolent diaperloads that they resemble, hot, glorious and stinking. Or it could be a bloog like Poignant Irrelevance that does it.

It makes me long for refreshingly unreadable teenage girl blogs like [*] u* let mi had a reasOn tO smile'[*] and - when i dd r e am * It makes me long for pages like pleez take mee home...though I'm not sure what to make of that one but my guess is that someone didnt code the page as rigourously as they should have. *insert smiley here* I should do a bloog dedicated to these mystifyingly cute and eminently un-readable excercises in vapid writing and html code gone amok.

But not tonight. The first Gran Prix is in the books. Giancarlo Fisichella is the big boodle boy in Melbourne. Enjoy it now, my man. It wont last long. And as for me, I think I will drink this beer, and leave. There. Done. Good Night now!!

Mood: Sullen & Doomed
Beer: BERGHOFF Original Lager
Music: "Harry Braff" by The Bee Gees
posted by Michael Smith at 11:47 PM