for creating the Inflatable Urd idea;
Fujishima Kosuke for the original Urd; various members of
the Aa! Megamisama mailing list for keeping the project
going as long as it did (through their messages).
Of course, the Aa! Megamisama! characters were created and
copyrighted by Fujishima Kosuke.
Please, corrections, suggestions, flames should be privately
mailed to: lgoodbar@ix.netcom.com
Table of Contents
-
Introduction
- How did the Inflatable Urd begin?
- Is the Inflatable Urd a garage kit?
- How real is the Inflatable Urd?
- Then someone had to ask: Would you care to elaborate on this?
- What else should I know about the Inflatable Urd?
- Shameless endorsement
-
The Adventures of Inflatable Urd
- Before Inflatable Urd arrived, Schmitty-sama had Peorth
- After Inflatable Urd arrived, Schmitty-sama's life was changed forever
- Secrets, anime, and Sailor Moon
- Inflatable Urd learns to drive!?!
- Sadly, things must end...
-
Other Inflatable Urd related items
- Aa! The read Urd calls!
- Dating
- A night out
- Peorth and cabin fever
- The meaning of "idspispopd"?
-
Afterword by Schmitty-sama
-
Conclusion
Introduction
[How did the Inflatable Urd begin?]
The Inflatable Urd was introduced on 12 November 1995 as a
parody of life-sized Goddess garage kits. The garage kit
thread was going *way* out of hand, and here, regarding the
Inflatable Urd:
How about an Inflatable Urd of your very own. *She'll*
keep you breathless for a long time to come. Plus,
she's wired for *pillow talk* !!!!
Would any of you be interested in obtaining one of
*these*?
You get your choice of Inflatable Urd, or a Life-Size
Garage Kit. Choose quickly lad!! They're going like
hotcakes!!! ((Inflatable Peorth is all sold out,
sorry)) No rainchecks. Thank you for shopping at
Goddess Mart. It's worlds of Fun!!
[Is the Inflatable Urd a garage kit?]
Well, no, inflatable means inflatable and garage kit means
garage kit, but let Schmitty clarify:
Dame! Dame! Ikenai!!! An inflatable Urd is NOT a giant
garage kit!! You don't keep her in your room as a
giant garage kit....I mean...you should get out more
often...maybe I can get you one that's wired for
pillow talk...sheesh.!
[How real is the Inflatable Urd?]
It's the real deal! Lifesize and everything!! ((and
boy do I mean *everything!* YOWZA!!!!)) Plus, it
floats!!! Honto! Honto!
[Then someone had to ask: Would you care to elaborate on
this?]
Well, it's like this. You lovingly take your
Inflatable Urd down off the shelf. Then you HUFF and
you PUFF and ((You might also want to consider using a
bicycle pump or some other pnuematic device)) you HUFF
and you PUFF some more. And pretty soon, VOILA!!! You
have a life-size Inflatable Urd to play with and
adore. ((Plus, she FLOATS)).
And one other tip from ol' Schmitty here. You might
not want to take the Inflatable Urd that's wired for
pillow talk into the bathtub with you. You might be
*very shocked* by what she has to say.
For Instructions on how to use Inflatable Urd, e.mail
me 35 cents.
[What else should I know about the Inflatable Urd?]
It will do everything except scrub your back.
Satisfaction guarnteed!
Inflatable Urd is wired for sound and ready to ride.
Boys will be boys, and Inflatable Urds will
be...well...none of yer damn business!!!
What a blessing to us all it is that Inflatable Urd
can't drown, ne?
Inflatable Urd's got a bit sloppy kiss for ya! And
trust me, she's quite a kisser!
Three words sum up my life with Peorth and Inflatable
Urd: grace, courage, and stamina.
[Shameless endorsement]
The Inflatable Urd has been (a)rousingly endorsed by
the world's oldest living anime fan, Dr. Zyx W. Vuts
of Poniatowski, Wisconsin
The Adventures of Inflatable Urd
[Oh, just so you know, the goddess Peorth lives with
Schmitty-sama, also. (Damn, not only a real-life goddess,
but an inflatable one, too!!!)]
[Before Inflatable Urd arrived, Schmitty-sama had Peorth]
I embrace Peorth. And she embraces me, forsaking all
others.
*Plug and Play* are Peorth's favorite words these
days...
Peorth is happy now. And so am I.
Peorth has me occupied at the moment, so I can't come
up with any clever thoughts.
Sorry Peorth, not tonight. I've been reading SEXUAL
POLITICS by Kate Millett and I have a headache.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder why I just
*love* it when Peorth talks in her sleep.
"Say cheese," Peorth said. "What kind?" I asked, as
she snapped the picture.
[After Inflatable Urd arrived, Schmitty-sama's life was
changed forever]
"What are you huffing and puffing about?" Peorth
asked, in that voice all men dread to hear...
Inflatable Urd finally realized she was hopelessly in
love with me when she gazed at me longlingly through
those funny looking blue and red glasses that Peorth
gave her.
Peorth is jealous of my Inflatable Urd.
Peorth is smiling. She just figured out how to let the
air out of Inflatable Urd.
Now, Peorth is spending more time with Inflatable Urd,
and *I'm* jealous...!!
Now, Peorth & Inflatable Urd are fighting over me.
Now, Inflatable Urd is jealous of Peorth...
Peorth and Inflatable Urd went shopping today. They
brought home a life-size Schmitty-sama garage kit.
Peorth and Inflatable Urd on the prowl together is one
thing, but heaven help us if Urd and Inflatable Urd
ever have a girl's night out...!
It's vaguely disturbing to me, but, BOTH Peorth and
Inflatable Urd have started to call me *Towel
Boy*...!!!
Peorth and Inflatable Urd are fixing me my supper. And
look! Here comes the fire department! Those guys sure
appreciate good home cooking, don't they!
[Secrets, other anime, and Sailor Moon]
Now, my secret fondness for Belldandy is making Peorth
and Inflatable Urd jealous. It's a good thing they
can't read my mind, for then they would know my
thoughts about Skuld...
Peorth and Inflatable Urd are becoming very jealous of
my interest in *other* anime and manga characters...
"WHAT?!" Peorth said, "You actually like St.Tail?!!! I
suppose the NEXT thing you're going to tell me is that
you like Azuki-chan...!!" It was then that I actually
wished I smoked cigarettes. I would feel so cool and
manly right now with a cig hanging out of my mouth
non-chalantly. Instead, all I could say was "Chotto!
Mata yo...," and fumble around for my boxer shorts,
the ones with the little dinosaurs on them.
"If you lift up the skirt of your Sailor Jupiter doll
one more time, I *will* pop you one," Inflatable Urd
said to me last night.
We must be thankful for small and immeasurable
wonders. For now we get to hear Inflatable Urd say,
"I'm very jealous of Sailor Moon because *she* has her
own TV show, and I don't."
Actually, now that I think about, Urd, and perhaps,
Skuld, would feel the same way. "Oh Peorth, darling,"
I call out merrily, "what do *you* think...?"
[Inflatable Urd learns to drive!?!]
"Calm down Peorth, calm down. One of these she WILL
learn how to get the truck out of second gear, and
then we WILL have something to worry about."
When it was finally time for Inflatable Urd to take
her drivers test, I insisted that she take the
life-sized Schmitty-sama garage kit along for the
ride. Peorth and I sat on the front porch, rocking
gently in the porch swing drinking ice-tea and
munching on corn bread as we watched them drive away
in a cloud of gravel, dust and mayhem.
The telephone rang. The voice on the other end was so
pitiful and sad that it almost made me cry.
"Maiko-chan," she said, "We ran out of gas..." "Who
is it," Peorth mumbled, awakened by the sound. I
cupped the receiver, "It's Inflatable Urd..." Peorth
rolled over and went back to sleep. "So...where are
you calling from...?" "The Amoco station," she
sobbed. "Start swimming," I said. And hung up the
phone.
[But finally, things must end...]
"You know, Maiko-chan," Peorth said to me, "I wish
they WOULD just let us live happily ever after!"
"Me too," Inflatable Urd said.
"Who asked you?!! PIiiiiiiiDA!"
"Girls, please, I'm trying to contemplete this strange
underwear my Sailor Jupiter doll is wearing," the
life-sized Schmitty-sama garage kit muttered wearily.
"Put that thing away and...!!!!!!"
"Would any of you girls like to hear that Bob Seger
8-track again," I asked, thinking *Jeez, this is just
like a remake of BOB & CAROL & TED & ALICE*, as I
hopped out of bed and popped in that tape. And you
know what? The funny part of this is is that we all
really DID live happily ever after.
---the end---
[29 November 1995]
[But a little later...]
I bought Keiichi and Belldandy's baby a mini
Inflatable Urd toy. (just kidding 8-P)
[Owari]
Other Inflatable Urd related items
[Aa! The real Urd calls!]
The phone rang. It was Urd, the real Urd, the one and
only. She was just calling to invite me to a picnic.
*Where is this picnic,* I asked. *Chikoku no Mori*,
she responded. *Oh...THAT's interesting*, I replied.
*What should I bring...?*
[Dating...?]
Maybe you and me and Peorth and Inflatable Urd can go
out on a double date. Go to a nice pub. Piss a few
quids down the drain. How CHARMING that would be...
(Hurry up please, it's time...)
[A night out]
Throw a six-pack on the dashboard of a 1973 Ford
Pickup truck and race into the town for three frames
of bowling, two pitchers of beer, and a kiss from a
piece of ass yer not gonna get. That is something to
laugh at. Especially if you leave Inflatable Urd in
the drivers seat with the engine running and an Aa
Megamisama 8-track crankin' full blast while you're in
the Beaver Lanes bowling a 165 and slammin' a pitcher
of RED DOG.
And when you get home, Inflatable Urd says to you, "Be
your *own* dog, Schmitty. Bow wow wow!"
[Peorth and cabin fever]
[Someone else wrote] Think of *Peorth* with a case of
cabin fever. Brrrr...
A buddy of mine has a cabin in Northern Wisconsin.
Care to join us? Inflatable Urd needs a date...
Peorth loves a good roaring fire on a cold winter's
night....
[The meaning of "idspispopd"?]
You know what? Inflatable Urd whispered "idspispopd"
in her sleep last night. And all during the Green Bay
Packers game today I wondered what that meant.
Both Peorth and Inflatable Urd think that they're
cuter than ANY of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. And
I happen to agree with them.
[FYI: "idspispopd" is a cheat code in the computer
game Doom]
Afterword by Schmitty-sama
[Schmitty-sama had this to say about the Inflatable Urd
sigs:]
As far as life-sized inflatable goddesses go...well...I
devised that little device in response to posts I was seeing
about Life Size Garage Kits, which were being discussed in
total earnestness. Why would that be any more acceptable
than an INFLATABLE Goddess, ne? And since most of the best
humour has to do with a common denominator of loneliness and
suffering, I felt, why not. Boys will be desperate boys. And
quite a few of you, including you, evidently, felt I was
serious. But that's OK. Sexism and Inequality are subjects
worthy of discussion. And if AMG was just a freakin' comic
book, then why would this mailing list even exist, ne?
As for my writing style...well...I believe in making my
writing as believable as I can. I believe in pushing the
envelope as far as I can. That's always the best tactic,
though it's not always the best strategy. And I do try be
somewhat entertaining and provacative. And I think I've
accomplished that objective if one person laughs and one
person gets really pissed off.
So the whole Inflatable Urd thing was tongue in cheek from
the start. But I've gotten some mileage from it, so I can't
complain.
Conclusion
Alas, this is the end of the Inflatable Urd FAQ. As quick as
a flare, and as bright, our lives were touched, if however
briefly, by the urethane goddess Urd!
I had tons of fun putting this together. Long live
Inflatable Urd!!
If I left anything major out, don't hesitate to bring it to
my attention. Providing the actual bit would be nice, too!!
Loyd Goodbar
lgoodbar@ix.netcom.com
/ "I'm not cut out for menial labor." \
\ -Urd /
>-----------------------------------<
< lgoodbar@ix.netcom.com >
